Everyone in this story is a real bastard, even Pinocchio. But he's made of wood, so whatever.

This one time this cricket is giving Pinocchio the business, "You should do this, you should do that…" so Pinocchio brains him with a hammer. It's hilarious.

Then some stuff happens and Pinocchio’s feet burn off while his abusive father rots in jail. Pinocchio spends the rest of the book hungry, jailed, lying, fighting, or swindled.

There’s something about his nose, too. We forget.

What does he get for his trouble? ****SPOILER ALERT**** To be a real boy.

It’s pretty good.

WHY CHILDREN WILL LIKE IT: Fistfights, abject poverty and woodworking.